Originally written on July 31st, 2014.
"I say I trust God. I trust Him with my life, my future, with my story. Yet, I don’t allow Him to take the pen. I say that I believe He has great plans for my life. Yet, I don’t allow Him to show me, for my dreams and my runaway imagination take over, causing me to believe that my thoughts & plans are the ones I should follow. Though my dreams are fascinating and enjoyable, they play with my head, and even more so, my heart. I wrestle with these dreams until I’m defeated, left with this only wish: to seek God with every part of my life, to let Him direct my steps. Yet, I don’t let go. I say I want to focus. I say I want to fall in love with God and let the rest fall into place. Yet, my mind distracts me with the same dreams, the same old thoughts. I shake my head to rid it of the temptations that creep in, for this world is full of them, my dreams no less trouble. I say I want to fully trust God, to fully let Him have His way with my life. Yet, here I am, holding tightly to the pen. It’s become a routine. A habit. One I’ve hardly become aware of. I say that I’m done. That I’m tired of feeling this way and yet I keep on living it, dreaming it, allowing myself to determine my own steps, my future, my life. And here’s the thing. My dreams, though wonderful, are nothing in comparison to the promises God has given to me. Beyond my wildest dreams lies the reality that God’s got everything in His hands and that my very best interest is thought of. That, if I would only allow Him to take the pen and trust Him with it, my story will be written so flawlessly, wonderfully, beautifully, and for His glory. And that, in itself, far outweighs any dream I could ever hope for. When we finally allow God to write our story the way He pleases, and we trust Him with every stroke of the pen, we find that there is more beauty in the faith that comes with letting our hopes and dreams go and letting God have his perfect way with our lives."
Katie
